I've been seduced by a demon and it's mangling my judgment

The living statues gather at the end of La Rambla, and most of them are perfect.



Years ago, I read a blog written by a professional statue, and he made staying still sound like a magical adventure. He could people-watch all day, and when it got quiet sometimes tourists would tell him their secrets, knowing that he'd always listen and never respond. One time he fooled a city official into believing he was a real statue, and she wondered aloud to her colleague when they'd gotten that art piece installed.

 I wanted to do it. I wanted to be a statue.

 These things take patience though, so I figured I'd start small. I sat in front of a mirror so I could see if I twitched, and I set a timer for five minutes.

As soon as I clicked the on button and knew I couldn't move anymore, invisible weevils started crawling all over my body.
“Just ignore it,” I told myself, “they're not real.”
Oh, but they itched for real.
“It's all in your head. C'mon. You know that in your head too. Your head can be stronger than your head.”
And then the weevils started crawling up my nose. And man I know hair is dead but I could swear that each and every one of my nose hairs had a fully functioning nervous system devoted entirely to itchy weevil detection.

I spent the next fifteen minutes frantically clawing at my face.

So you can see why I maintain the deepest respect for skilled statue performers. I know about the invisible weevils going up their noses.

And the majority of those guys at La Rambla – they had skill.



A few of them kept moving around though. It's like they wanted to let their costumes do all the work for them instead of actually putting any effort into their jobs. And some of their costumes didn't even look that statue-like! I mean really, how lazy can you OH MY GOD.



 That guy.
He was moving. He didn't look much like a statue. His job clearly didn't require the skill and dedication of the other... OH WHATEVER. I'M GONNA MARRY ME THAT DEMON AND THE FIRST STEP IS GIVING HIM ALL MY EUROS.



Yes demon man. Yes I love you.

 This is what our wedding photos will look like.

At least I never lost a fork in my bra

MARA: My girlfriend thinks your coffee tastes like Satan's asshole, you know. She asks in the morning whenever she sleeps over, “Are we going to have good coffee, or are we drinking Satan's Asshole Roast again?”
LEX: Satan's Asshole Roast is a misnomer. We drink the same roast of coffee, it's just that you guys add more water and sugar and whipped cream and, like, vodka to it.  
MARA: The vodka is part of the whipped cream!  
LEX: I know, but it makes me sound more sane when I point out that I'm not the one who drinks vodka in the morning. And anyway, isn't Satan a master of temptation? I bet his asshole tastes really good.

Mara couldn't refute that, which is a little disappointing because I'd hoped the conversation would go on long enough for me to mention that one time when she lost a fork in her bra.
Because nothing supports your taste in coffee like not losing forks in your bra.

 In completely unrelated news, this is S'anna.



She drew my character in the Changeling LARP and I basically can't stop vibrating in joy over how awesome it is. Look! Look at this thing!

 

Peat's costume is a little different than it was in the pre-LARP pictures Mara took last week because I added this mask my friend Sarah made. (You can find her etsy shop here: Dark Monday)



Sometimes I get jealous because I know so many awesome artists and I couldn't art to save my life, but then I decide that rolling around in pretty things sounds like a lot more fun than being jealous, so I do that instead.

It's Tough Being Faerie President

Gulp brand bait worms certainly have a flavor. I'm not quite sure it's the “natural live bait taste!” they advertise, but when you're holding them in your mouth, waiting to spit them all over the Winter King's suit, your tongue really knows there's something going on.

I guess I could chew some actual worms to test Gulp's flavor claims, but I doubt I'll bother. It's a failure of scientific curiosity on my part. Do they stone you for that these days? I like science! Really! I just like laziness and not chewing worms slightly better.

 Anyway, Mara took some pictures of my Changeling character before I left for game yesterday. This is Peat Bog. She accidentally became Autumn King and she hates it a lot so she spits worms at people instead of making cogent political arguments.



Mostly she just wants everyone to leave her alone so she can concentrate on making mortals believe in fictional undead fish people. Is that so much to ask?



Piña Colada came home just as Mara and I were about to head back inside. I stopped to say hi because I'm polite like that.